30 and going back for a B.A. in Psychology

Posted by: Lulu

30 and going back for a B.A. in Psychology - 09/26/2010 21:23 PM

Hi all.

The past year I went through a major depression due to a life-crisis. It's a long story and I won't bother you all with that, but if it hadn't been for the past year, I would not be sitting here, in another country, with less that one week untill my first day of school...

During my depression I worked hard to figure out WHAT I need to do , to survive. Yep, it was a struggle to survive.
After dropping out of design school (one of the good ones!), I felt like a huge failure. I was 23 when I dropped out and I had worked HARD for 3 years...I had only 1 more year to go. My first depression - triggered by immense stress- caused me to give up the fight.

I spent 7 years since then, punishing myself with odd mindless jobs, bad relationships, a total lack of direction in life. I became an Insurance agent and worked with that the last 3 years. But then I fell in love last year. Not the happy kind. It triggered something in me I can not explain. 7 years of sadness came up in me, and suddenly I realized I was close to turning 30 and I had accomplished NOTHING with my life.
ME - the talented, ambitious, intelligent, independent girl that was always doing something meaningfull...

I knew I needed to DO something but I was numbed, physically tired, mentally slowed down, my body and heart hurt like crazy...

But then an idea entered my mind. I could CHANGE my situation. Maybe I should go back to school and get an education...
I wanted to die. It seems like the most impossible task IN THE WORLD. An ocean of questions arose, questions like "who are you kidding"?

It took me one year - WITH therapy- to not only cope with the depression and heart ache, but also to embrace that I was turning 30 and that I COULD use all those years of my life that I believed where "waisted" - and turn them into a bag of experience that could be usefull to me.

"But all the kids will be totally young!". - Yes, this haunted me also. I wrote the application anyways. I sent it. I was so nervous. I was accepted. Now I was REALLY nervous. I had a paper in my hand with a key to a door....

Next week I am opening that door, first day of class.
I'm 30, scared as hell, but I am going in for a B.A. in Psychology and I hope and pray each day that I will find the strength with in myself for the road ahead.

All I know is that I can't go back, I can only go forward.

Wish me luck and I wish it right back at you.